World Mental Health Day

There is literally nothing like the internet to mess with your head. From the validation culture (how many likes?), subtle mean-girling (the ‘laughing emoji’ placed into your comments feed on Instagram when you post a selfie) or downright, unequivocal abuse, what is supposed to be a world of communication is a world of terror for many.

It’s not even a question of being thick-skinned – get enough of those laughing emojis – which is the least of it – and you can really start to feel worried and upset. I rarely post selfies so have bypassed this particular mean-girl trend but I certainly got it on my L’Oreal True Match pictures. I blocked everyone who did it because I can – and so can you.

It’s World Mental Health Day today so mental health has been in my timeline constantly and it’s made me think about how the internet has an impact. I’ve just watched a video from an anti-bullying site (I can’t even describe it to you, it’s that bad) that was filmed (obviously) and uploaded to Facebook – pre-internet, it would never have been filmed nor would there have been anywhere to watch it. But would it still have happened? It’s unanswerable, really. But the things we see have an impact whether it’s extreme like the video or whether it’s just a slow, drip-drip laughing emoji. Mental health is such a huge, wide-ranging subject most of which I can’t touch on – I’m simply not equipped to do so, but I can talk about what I see day to day.

There are extremes of behaviour on the internet and you have to make a choice. You have to choose properly to look after your own mental health. Because internets is my job, I see a lot of people being very much brought down by the relentless pressure of being ‘liked’, whether that’s the Instagram heart, the FB like or the number of followers you have. I see people desperate for likes (repetitive follower checking), and desperation is an awful feeling, I see obvious bullying and I see less obvious, subtle eroding of confidence (‘DMing you!’ i.e. obviously and purposefully leaving someone out). Every day! I’ve seen some shocking ganging up by grown women who should know better in forums, and I’ve seen aggression beyond belief – over lipstick mainly.

I also know that in my timeline on Twitter where I do most of my communicating there are many, many people, mainly women, who suffer from mental health issues – from full on bi-polar (I still look for someone I followed years ago with bi-polar who has worryingly recently disappeared and it’s not so long ago that someone I had a great Twitter relationship with committed suicide. She was relentlessly supportive of others and yet could see no value in herself) to other mental health issues such as anxiety or depression (I understand these can also be severe).

Humans rely on visual references – on social media channels, there aren’t any. There isn’t a live face for you to look at and gauge emotion, there isn’t a voice to pick up intonations from and there’s no body language to help you either. You literally have to guess what people mean. We all love a guessing game, right? But, if you feel downhearted, anxious, worried or self-doubting, you can read all sorts of things into the guessing game comments. And it can wear you down and sometimes it’s the difference between good mental health and a downward spiral.

So, you have to make a conscious balance in your mind between people who are good for you and people who aren’t, especially online. And you DO know the difference. You do. My timelines are full of people I really, genuinely want to be there but it took a long time to eradicate those I didn’t want there. I still use my block button without hesitation and very rarely is there an issue. I get the odd comment from someone who is blocked but they’re blocked for good reason. I do not want to communicate with them!

You cannot exist in any happy state unless you feel able to take control of what you see. All I can offer you is the support to use your courage and keep good people around you online, because they’re the ones that make or break your social experiences.

Everyone feels wobbly sometimes – bloggers, vloggers, instagrammers, snapchatters, periscopers – everyone. I left Periscope and went to FB Live instead – the trolls were just unbearable on Periscope and while I left behind a lot of followers, give me that small, lovely, supportive and fun group that follow my FB Live any day of the week. ANY day.

‘Social’ media is an outdated term for places that are in reality rather anti-social. Likes don’t matter – you do. Your well-being matters far more than whether you lost a follower. Block everyone that makes you feel like a sadder or more worried version of yourself on every single channel. Don’t look back and don’t go back; go forward knowing you have made a positive choice. Nobody needs those mean-girls (who probably have endless issues of their own because if they didn’t they’d be doing more meaningful things than purposefully bringing others down).

The other thing I’d urge you to do is when you see someone is having a hard time on-line, offer them some support whether it’s directly into their timeline or in a DM. I do it and it’s good for people to know that someone wants to know they’re okay whether you know them in real life or not. I’m always pleased to know if someone I follow has a mental health issue – it helps to understand them better and also to offer support (even if it’s just to send them the number of a mental health help line which I have done in the past). It’s also the case that sometimes it’s easier for someone who is suffering to ‘speak’ on social channels than it is in real life so it’s important to hear them.

You are entitled to a safe and happy place online – it’s absolutely your right to have it, so please ensure that what happens online doesn’t contribute to an existing mental health issue or cause one. I’ll repeat: you are entitled to a safe and happy place online. 

 


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22 responses to “World Mental Health Day”

  1. Pete

    What a brilliant point of view! Very mature and I hope younger people who have grown up with Internet and social media and never knew the “old fashioned” social rules, can learn and be guided by this. I feel glad that I was probably the very last generation to have grown up before Internet. I used to go out to meet my dates, not be judged by a photo. But I won’t go down the “when I was young” spiel lol!

    The strength to choose happiness above huge following (which necessarily will include jealous trolls) is invaluable so well done to you Jane. (I mean you do have a huge following but not “influencer level” millions – which I think one can only actually get if one sells every facet of their being – so personally I would never either!)

    I just want to thank you for your blog, you’ve done many more swatches and photos and I really appreciate that. Keep up the good work!

    1. Jane

      Thank you so much Pete.. and I know..I could go the ‘when I was young’ route all the time as well!!

  2. alittlekiran

    Great post, Jane! Xx

    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

  3. glenka2014

    These are very thoughtful words on a subject that effects a lot of people. I am so glad I don’t have any social media accounts after hearing what some people go through. It all sounds like bullying and very much like what I went through at school. Having suffered from many different mental health illnesses for over 20 years I know just how debilitating it is to live with these problems. I also just wanted to say I was a little hurt by your comments that having anxiety and depression is a less severe form of mental illness. Having both of these and other problems myself it can be and is a severe illness that effects every part of my life.
    Hopefully this post will help people going through such issues to stand up to the bullies.

    1. Jane

      I understand that both those things can be life altering and severe and I did hover over whether that was the best way to differentiate between, however, I didn’t realise how closely linked depression and bi-polar can be so I’ll remove it and sorry for being clumsy with my words. However, I’ve learned something new about those conditions today.

      1. glenka2014

        Thank you for the reply, I hope I didn’t come across as rude about what I said , I just wanted to point out just how severe all kinds of mental health illnesses are.

        1. Jane

          Not at all – glad to clarify xx

  4. Jo

    Well said, Jane – I for one really appreciate the time and effort that bloggers and YouTubers etc. put into creating content that I am able to enjoy at no cost, and am horrified to see snarky/abusive/rude comments left by others. I really don’t understand why people feel the need to denigrate and destroy other people – some of it may be born of jealousy, but really if somebody else can make a living from social media activities it’s not to the detriment of anybody else! Somebody else’s success or good fortune doesn’t make your own star shine less brightly!!
    Love your blog, from the product reviews and new release updates through to the beauty business news and the “deeper thought” pieces like this…My only wish would be for you to resume your YouTube videos, they were just fabulous, I absolutely loved them 🙂
    All the best, Jo

    1. Jane

      Thank you so much Jo – and I think you’re right that jealousy and therefore insecurity lies at the heart of much of it. I’m doing FB Live instead so have videos stored on my page there if you’re really a glutton for punishment!!

  5. Dominique

    So true ! I am bipolar with a very low self-esteem . But step by step I am trying to debunk the Instagram’s ” lies ” or better say lures. What does that actually mean to be ” liked ” by thousands of people ? Nothing at all ! It just makes no sense. People who are suffer from a mental condition ( whatever it is ), beware ! I second and third. But if you are strong enough to say Insta is just for fun, and nothing else, I do think it can be really distracting . I never expect anything from anyone in this world but having fun remains one of the best option when suffering from a mental disorder . Possibly the best medication ever ! Provided you do not expect anything from fb, insta or whatever . Provided being liked is not an obsession anymore . But it is not that simple, especially for young people, .I mean by that you have to be .. aware ! JCVD a brilliant bipolar himself put it so and he was correct . Aware is the key to happiness, self confidence and much more .
    Living with a low self esteem is hard but being aware helps a lot . Really .

  6. Thanks for bringing attention to this important cause! Mental Health is SO important!

    http://www.masteringhealth.co

  7. Helena

    Well written Jane.

    I read your blog every day, and I think it’s brilliant.

    1. Jane

      Thank you xx

  8. Clbnolan

    This just made me cry a bit. I’m not interested in likes or followers so don’t suffer with any of those problems. I do, however, have many complex & serious mental health issues. When your illness is long standing you often wear down the patience of friends. They can only say ‘Cheer up!’ so many times before they seem to start resenting you for not doing so, & often believe your inability to be all better says something deficient about them. I don’t know you personally Jane, but I’ve read your blog for a couple of years now & you’ve always come across as a very real, straight talking & down to earth woman & this post read the same – heartfelt & genuine. Thank you. It’s nice to know that people do care – even when it’s of no benefit to them xCx

    1. Jane

      Thank you – I’m sorry to hear it and also sorry for making you cry! What I can say is that I value your comments – I’m always pleased when I see a comment from you on here so thank you for being part of it. x

      1. Clbnolan

        No need to be sorry – it was a ‘good’ cry! Thank you Jane. Appreciate your reply & the tonne of work you put into your blog that we get to read for free!xCx

  9. Chrissie W

    I suffer from mild depression and after many years am learning to live with it (this has taken a LOT of effort) instead of fighting it (even more tiring). Beauty ticks a lot of the boxes (newness, colours, fragrances) that help me pull through along the way – steered a lot by your blog Jane. Thank you for being honest and insightful and this post is a great help! You are so right regarding in focussing on / keeping the right people on side and getting the toxic trolls off the radar. We all have the right to pull up the drawbridge from social media and protect ourselves. I can’t think of anything worse than constantly updating “look at me here / there / over there / etc..” yawwwn!! For me it can come down to a few moments with a lovely warm purry cat (or two) working wonders along with amazing family and friends, fresh air… Step into the light, there are lots of helping hands out there for us all. Wishing you all good mental health today, tomorrow and for the future.

    1. Jane

      Thank you – sorry to hear it: lots of people have said that an interest in beauty serves as a good distraction which is so good to know (and rewarding!).

  10. gabby

    This is a wonderfully written piece. No-one deserves to put up with online abuse and it can lead to tragic consequences. A popular tv presenter in Australia committed suicide in 2014 after being the victim of a targeted campaign of cyber bullying. Every time I read about trolls and their disgusting behaviour I think of her and what she must have gone through.

    One question I have, I’ve never really been on Periscope but I’ve heard about this issue from a few friends who are on it. Why do you think the trolling is so bad on Periscope as opposed to Facebook live?

    1. Jane

      Well, I use a minimal amount of advertising (i.e. I pay) on FB so that I can accurately target the relevant audience and have some control over who is notified that I’m live – that facility doesn’t exist on Periscope so it’s absolutely a free for all. Persicope opened in beta form in a different country and a lot of the trolling came from there (although not exclusively). To be honest, I am pretty resiliant to trolling but I felt it made the experience uncomfortable for people who genuinely wanted to watch rather than ask to see my boobs!

  11. Anne

    Great post Jane. I really fear for my future kids (if I have them!) and the drama of the social media age that they will have to endure. I actually think a lot of the internet trolls are mentally ill or at a minimum, seriously disturbed. It’s so unfortunate that they can access the web now and cause so much more destruction where as in the past, they would only be able to access a limited physical social circle. The messages about actively managing who you engage with on the web are wise ones. Thanks for raising these topics xx

  12. Clare

    I loved this post – it really resonated with me. I have been on the wrong side of some quite nasty bullying from a couple of now ex-friends (who are grown women) and last week I made the decision to cut them from my life. It feels good – kind of liberating. I think this is something that we all need to do more of. Some people genuinely should carry a (mental) health warning. It’s good to know that there are some lovely, well-adjusted, kind people out there. Thanks Jane.

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