I’m so envious of people who can make false eyelashes work, because I can’t. I’ve had hundreds of press releases saying how easy they are to apply and that they’ve moved on in leaps and bounds – I’ve even, stupidly, written features about them saying exactly that, without trying them properly. I’ve had three attempts at applying them recently – each with the same horrible result. I’ve had glue in my own lashes that needed picking out with tweezers, I’ve also had glue in my eyelids meaning one eye blinks slower than the other for a while – eeek – and I just cannot get them to sit near enough to my own lashline. So, I’ve given up – they, or I, are just rubbish and the pile of crumpled, trodden on, spidery mess on my bathroom floor is testament to it.

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