Do You Speak Social Media?
“We’d like to collaborate with you.” We have no idea of the dictionary definition of collaboration but it makes our proposal of getting you to do stuff for us sound more important.
“We are targeting key bloggers.” We are targeting everyone.
“This is an amazing opportunity for you.” This is an amazing opportunity for us.
“Hi there: I’m the Social Media contact for X Brand.” I’ve literally just left college.
“We’d like to enter a partnership with you.” We’d like you to give, give, give while we take, take, take.
“Hey hun.” I can’t be bothered to find out your name.
“We love your blog.” We’ve never looked at your blog.
“We particularly like your post on X.” We looked at one post.
“We’re hosting an event… with free cupcakes.” We’re doing social media outreach from 2009.
“We’d love you to spread the message across all your social media channels.” We’re no longer content with free advertising in just one place.
“Hi, lovely.” Whoever you are.
“Yes, there is budget – I can send you £50 of free product.” We’re making it sound like product can pay bills.
“Yes, there is budget – I can pay you £10 as long as you include YouTube and Twitter.” I am deluded.
“You have recently captured our attention and gained a fan.” We’re hoping this makes you feel important enough to do something for nothing.
“We’d love you to be a Brand Ambassador.” We’ve made up a pointless title in the hopes that you’ll work harder and faster for zero remuneration and that you’re flattered enough to mention your new status every second Tweet.
“My client would like to write a guest post for you.” The intern will do it.
“We’d like to supply you with a guest post relevant to your audience.” We’d like to add deep-links to a sofa emporium onto your blog.
“We work with a brand that would be perfect for your site.” Our brand has absolutely no relevance to your site.
“We genuinely believe that sharing this information on your site will help others.” We genuinely cannot think of another way to make you feature overnight hair rollers.
“We’re listening.” You so aren’t.
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