Lots of BBB readers have emailed over the past few weeks to ask how Honey is getting along without Coco, so I thought I’d a) say thank you so much for asking and b) give you a quick update.
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If I didn’t have a beauty blog, I’d most likely have a dog blog – I’m obsessed with them! We had dogs as children (Labradors – big, soppy things!) but Honey was the first dog that belonged to me. When she was about one, we got Coco, so now, aged ten, Honey will not be able to remember a time when she wasn’t part of a dog duet.
It’s one thing dealing with your own grief, but when your dog is grieving, it’s a whole other thing. After Coco died, she never looked for her – not once, and I think that’s because she was in the same room at the vet’s as Coco when it happened and her senses told her enough to know.
She was okay for the first few days – not confused or bewildered. But after that, she went into such a decline – really fed up and depressed. She didn’t want to chase her ball or eat her food. I took her to the vet several times; he was very understanding but also identified that she had a bad back so gave her pain killers. These helped with the pain but made her so sleepy and even more depressed that we had to change pain killers several times to find ones that she could manage. Even so, she was just withdrawn and, sad, basically. Just a very sad little dog. Some people hold the theory that dogs don’t feel grief – and it’s true that sometimes dogs aren’t in the least affected by the death of a companion – but Honey’s grief was very real and a complete reminder every day that something truly sad had happened.
We really upped the tempo in the house – I even got her playing on my iPad! She was super confused – it’s a little game with a mouse that runs across the screen that squeaks if she bats a paw on it, but she was so convinced that the mouse was under the iPad, I started to fear for it! I got her some mental agility games and made sure I walked with other friends with dogs so she could socialise.
One day I forgot to give her the pain killers, and then in a mix up of who was feeding her when, they got forgotten again. She clearly wasn’t in any pain, so the upshot is that her back pain – which the vet thought would be forever – is completely gone and she is pretty much back to her old self. Personally, I now think it was a physical manifestation of the situation – degenerated discs (diagnosis) don’t get better on their own. In a lot of ways, Coco overshadowed Honey so there is a lot of pleasure in re-discovering her personality as an ‘only’ dog. She has changed all her routines herself – she eats when she feels like it and not to a drill as before, she sleeps on my bed now instead of on her own (we did this from day one), she is much more sociable with other dogs – and people. In fact, I would say she finally has her happiness back.
I think if she could have a choice she’d have Coco back in a heartbeat – we all would – but that awful low point is well and truly behind her. She’s really happy and at peace with the situation (more than can be said for me!) and just enjoying being our dog. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever get our Honey back or how long a dog’s sadness could possibly last, but now I know.
The other question that people have asked – a lot – is whether I’ll get another one. I am nowhere near ready to do this – dog owners will understand when I say that Coco is still too present in the house to consider it. I think I really have to wait til she is happy to go, which isn’t yet. It’s hard to explain without sounding quite mad, but occasionally she walks beside me still.
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13 comments
Although I am a new reader, your post has brought tears to my eyes. Tears because I’ve been here before.. Grieving the loss of pet (both dogs and cats) and watching my other pets grieve as well. It’s wonderful to hear that Honey is now doing well…. With time, I hope that you will be too!
So glad you made this update since I was wondering about Honey but didnt want to intrude really. And you absolutely dont sound mad, all snimal lovers can relate to that. Best wishes
Tears too from me who lost a beloved little cat nearly a year ago. She was only 15 months old, and such a naughty pretty little thing. Some animals just belong in your heart and will always stay there. X
so sorry for your loss.. yes, I’ve seen them referred to as ‘heart dogs’ or cats, obviously – I didn’t know what that really meant til now x
So pleased Honey is doing well. Thinking of you xx
So happy to hear Honey is doing well, but a very sad post regardless, grief is just such an awful thing, I can’t turn my head to look at Thor right now because I might cry. Lots of love to you all.
Having lost my cat four weeks ago I completely agree with the ‘she is still in the house’ comment. Its taken me this long to give away her food to a friend who has a cat but I still need the blankets she used to be there. Eventually like you I will get there but not yet. Thank you for sharing.x
Oh Jane how you must feel. I am sending you a big hug from Romania
So happy to hear Honey is doing better. I know too how hard it is to lose a dog, when you have more than one. I wish at times like that, you could talk to them and tell them it will all be ok. Thoughts are with you both.
http://shebearacharmedlife.blogspot.co.uk/
Love Lucy x
I am still grieving a beautiful birman cat called Sasha that died of kidney failure, 4 years in July. I wanted another Birman but just wasn’t ready until last November when I fell in love with a mischievous birman kitten called Ollie. He has really brightened my life, and my silver tabby has finally got used to him, but of course you can never replace a much loved pet . It’s good to remember how much joy these little personalities bring into our lives and feel blessed for the time they were with us. The pain when they pass is horrible, but a small price to pay.
I’m glad to hear Honey is doing well. When my two older cats died, I never thought that our third (and youngest) cat would do an adequate job of filling the cat shaped hole in my heart. But without the older cats hissing at her, she became her own cat and now happily lounges on every bed in the house. I still miss the two older cats, but now the youngest cat has a special place in my heart.
And I thought it was just me still grieving over a year now but as you say, when you are ready and the ‘space’ has cleared then it will be the right time. We have begun the process of opening our hearts to a new pooch hopefully later this summer
I think animals grieve as much as Humans. Our wee dog also called Honey, went into a deep depression when one of our cats died and a worse depression when my Grampa (who lived with us and sat with her all day whilst we were at work) passed away. Sadly she passed away in October and strangely our cat, who is a grumpy little sod and never gives the impression that he likes anyone started showing the tell tale signs of a form of depression and spend his days searching the house for Honey and being extremely affectionate – which is practically unheard of. Makes me so sad when they are sad as you don’t know how to make them feel better!