“We’d like to collaborate with you.” We have no idea of the dictionary definition of collaboration but it makes our proposal of getting you to do stuff for us sound more important.
“We are targeting key bloggers.” We are targeting everyone.
“This is an amazing opportunity for you.” This is an amazing opportunity for us.
“Hi there: I’m the Social Media contact for X Brand.” I’ve literally just left college.
“We’d like to enter a partnership with you.” We’d like you to give, give, give while we take, take, take.
“Hey hun.” I can’t be bothered to find out your name.
“We love your blog.” We’ve never looked at your blog.
“We particularly like your post on X.” We looked at one post.
“We’re hosting an event… with free cupcakes.” We’re doing social media outreach from 2009.
“We’d love you to spread the message across all your social media channels.” We’re no longer content with free advertising in just one place.
“Hi, lovely.” Whoever you are.
“Yes, there is budget – I can send you £50 of free product.” We’re making it sound like product can pay bills.
“Yes, there is budget – I can pay you £10 as long as you include YouTube and Twitter.” I am deluded.
“You have recently captured our attention and gained a fan.” We’re hoping this makes you feel important enough to do something for nothing.
“We’d love you to be a Brand Ambassador.” We’ve made up a pointless title in the hopes that you’ll work harder and faster for zero remuneration and that you’re flattered enough to mention your new status every second Tweet.
“My client would like to write a guest post for you.” The intern will do it.
“We’d like to supply you with a guest post relevant to your audience.” We’d like to add deep-links to a sofa emporium onto your blog.
“We work with a brand that would be perfect for your site.” Our brand has absolutely no relevance to your site.
“We genuinely believe that sharing this information on your site will help others.” We genuinely cannot think of another way to make you feature overnight hair rollers.
“We’re listening.” You so aren’t.
Transparency Disclosure
All products are sent to me as samples from brands and agencies unless otherwise stated. Affiliate links may be used. Posts are not affiliate driven.
40 comments
But we (I) Do love your blog! I read every one of your posts when they land in my inbox 🙂
Vivien
Founder of a brand
Thanks Vivien!
This made me giggle so much x
Genius!
Love it!! 🙂
Brilliant! This is spot on, I love it.
Ha haaaa!! I’m offered illustration ‘collaborations’ all the time to “help me reach a wider audience”. I’m sure there are more to add to your list, I’m looking forward to seeing them : )
How many emails have I received like this… at first flattering now irritating! Just bother to know my name- it’s that simple!
VERY good – and so true. The worst thing is starting out blogging and falling for all of this drivel!
As one who has just written and posted my very first Blog I am awaiting the opportunity to translate any of the phrases above that come my way! Brilliant – thank you so much for the laugh! xx
Haha loved this so true, as a new blogger I can be easy to fall for that stuff, luckily I never have :p xx Emmi
http://emmihearts.blogspot.co.uk/
haha! that was great! especially the “brand ambassador” is something that I see a lot lately and honestly find it pointless!
I’ve had emails like with some of these phrases in, especially when they ask for a ‘collaboration’. I found it flattering at first, not realising what it really meant x
I have a blog, so I get these communications, but I also work in marketing, so I see them sent and this made both sides of me laugh out loud for about ten minutes. Devastatingly accurate.
Brilliant!!
So very true. And with just the right amount of sarcasm. At least it was the way I read it to a room full of bloggers. We laughed our asses off.
Brilliant and so so true. I would also add:
“We’ve made you an exclusive badge”. Stick our ad on your sidebar for free.
Love it! Especially this one: “We’re hosting an event… with free cupcakes.” We’re doing social media outreach from 2009.
As a social media manager myself is really sad to read how prostituted, non-experience, rejected and bad can be the people in charge of beauty brands. As a beauty lover I can tell that some brands contact me exactly the bad way that you describe. Sad, so f* sad.
Kisses from Mexico.
On the flip side it’s REALLY rude when bloggers email companies (particularly small independents) asking for free stuff under the pretense that they “love your shop.”
I run my own business. I have a job in marketing. I write a blog.
Both sides need a few lessons in what constitutes proper manners.
I completely agree with you… each side feels the other always wants something.
And I might add, there is NEVER any need to feel you have to send stuff out for free. A blog is not a free pass for not paying for anything. x
If I had a £ for every “blogger” that contacts me asking for free stuff and in return they’ll blog “nicely” about our products, I wouldn’t have to do what I do. I don’t want someone to blog “nicely” I want them to tell the truth, I accept not everyone is going to like our products or our packaging. But I do like reading genuine comments which add value to what we are trying to do and we do take note. I don’t really care when I take a look at a blogger’s profile whether they are a “mummy” blogger or not I want a genuine blogger who is into what we produce, who writes consistently and honestly. Even if they don’t like our stuff having tried it, they email me back and tell me – that’s cool, that’s feedback. What I hate is no feedback and even worse they don’t even try it – yeah I get that some of you are sent a ton of stuff but the ones that actually contact us and don’t try it? That’s a bit rich. As a matter of fact, you reviewed one of our products a few years back and pointed out that whilst it was a bit runny, you rather liked it and as a result of your and others feedback we changed the formulation to make it less runny.
We don’t tend to get a look in with the big glossies as we don’t use a PR company who they are “cliquey” with so we do rely on good bloggers. It’s a total learning curve for everyone and I am most definitely still on that curve!
As I’ve said to a previous brand owner, Liz, you should never feel you have to give product away – a blog is not a automatic pass for free product. Interestingly, you never fed back (that I can remember) that you changed the formula as a result of blogger feedback – that would have made a very interesting post.
My bad! It was feedback from yourself and some customers who loved the product but commented like you that it was too runny. So thank you so much for your valuable feedback.
I also like ‘We don’t have a budget at the moment, but…’ – If you do this for free now, we’ll never get back in touch once we have a budget…
Giggling!
Great post. I think I have received most of those in the short time I have been blogging. I’m still giggling!
REally funny 🙂
This is hilarious! I’ve definitely experienced a few of those things 🙂 xx
Smiling in recognition here…the young graduate looking after social media for one of my clients calls me ‘hun’ – he is 23 and I am 47. Still trying to work out how to tackle this one…..I am tempted to ask him to call me Mrs Whiting!!
I’ve seen a few of these already. The bit about sofas made me laugh so much. It’s always a shock when a fashion or beauty blog suddenly starts plugging fridges or something equally as barmy. x
literally laughing out loud at some of these. SO accurate it’s sad too
This made me laugh a lot! The amount of emails I’ve had with all of these things is crazy!
hahaha too funny Jane!
This reminds me of all the countless times I’ve called up a company to ask them about something and gotten that annoying every so often that informs me that ‘your call is important to us.’
Jane, I think you might get a kick out of this ‘How Not To’ guide to public relations – basically a comprehensive and well-research lost of things journalists hate hearing from PRs. It’s in a very similar vein, pithy, and rather enjoyable in a perverse sort of way:
http://1238kmh.com/PRBuzz.htm
er, ‘list’, rather. Not ‘lost’. My typing skills decline after midnight.
Haha this is just too funny.
J
Xx
beautydusts.wordpress.com
true..so true it isn’t even funny… 😉