There’s nothing like an ad that tugs at the heart strings to make you feel 100% inadequate about your own Christmas. I know that everyone looks forward to them and that they’ve become a ‘thing’, but really, don’t they stir up emotions that are very complicated?
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I think us Brits don’t do heart-on-the-sleeve thing terribly well. Faced with an ad that pings at all those feelings we manage to avoid facing every day, it’s easy to be quite frightened of how we can be stirred. Which then can lead to a whole other set of emotions around Christmas.
There are very few of us who can put our hands up to a perfect Christmas. Thanks to the ‘magic’ of movies and TV, the ideal Christmas is a snowy backdrop, a roaring fire, happy children, some poor old mum slaving away (gladly, of course) in the kitchen to bring out the most important meal of the year, and of course, mountains of perfectly wrapped gifts under a giant pine tree.
The pressure for this one day of the year to be the salve that cures all ills is too much. Christmas is a truly miserable and unhappy time for many – those film families don’t exist in real life, we have to accept what we have, warts and all. And, the melting pot for all the emotions around it begins to bubble with the Christmas ads.
Christmas intensifies loneliness – you can be in the heart of all of it and still feel alone. It’s really okay to put your hand up and say, Christmas is a bit shit. Once you’ve said it out loud, it seems a more reasonable expectation that your family will inevitably all argue, that the kids will be up half the night in a frenzy of anticipation and spend most of the actual day crying from exhaustion. It’s completely fine not to be Heston Blumethal for the day, to resent having a house full of relatives and to be significantly underwhelmed at your gifts.
You absolutely won’t be the only one to feel that you’re the one person in the world not loving it. Many people have nobody and somehow have to get through the day imagining a different life. But it’s one day. One day only. All this turmoil for one day.
So, I’m just saying that those Christmas ads aren’t about real families and real situations, or even real life. The ads make you see what you think you don’t have – no wonder everyone cries. I’ll also point out that in reality, penguins might look cute but they really, really smell. And are incontinent. It’s better maybe to look at what you really have, know it for what it is, work around it for one day only and switch the TV off every time the John Lewis ad comes on.
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29 comments
Well said and so so true.
Too true and well said. Add to this the Boxing Day relatives trauma (racism, snide remarks, children running amok), bad weather spoiling any prospect of escape (floods Christmas 2012). If fine, Christmas afternoon I like to spend at a nearby beach with the dog. My happy place 🙂
So well said. For the last few years I’ve realised it’s okay to admit to myself that I enjoy the build up to Christmas but not the day itself. Too much pressure and always rather underwhelming.
Great post Jane, there is so much expectation on that one day and we are all force fed the idea of a perfect Christmas.
For people who are alone on Christmas Sarah Millican usually does a joinin hashtag on twitter so every one gets to share their day with others, even if only virtually. I think it’s a lovely idea.
I don’t watch TV so I haven’t seen the advert but I’ve heard people bleating on about the John Lewis ad. I’m slightly tempted to Google it but will resist. I like posts that remind people it’s ok not to be festive. My Mum died at Christmas two years ago so it has very negative connotations for me and I dread the “festive season” because of it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to think differently.
I have to disagree. I love Christmas. We spend Christmas Eve with the extended family and the day itself just myself and my 2 teenage children. And we love it that way. I even find preparing Christmas dinner a pleasure! It’s much more relaxed then when the children were young and we were trying to fit in seeing all the relatives on one day. Add to that the fact that I had my son on Boxing Day (the Christmas Day I spent in labour was an interesting one!). Over the years our Christmas has evolved into something calm and enjoyable, and we still see all the family just not on the day itself!
I completely agree. Companies create the adverts in such a unrealistic way just so we get worked up about a Christmas fantasy.
I am however assuming you’ve yet to watch Sainsbury’s advert and if you have not, I’d suggest you’d go and watch it, it’s based on a real event, not to try make money and create false expectations 🙂
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Ah, you put the feeling in words!
Back in the Old Country we used to celebrate Christmas big time with all traditional bits and pieces, huge family gathering. I hated it. Sh*t load of people (that you see only once or twice a year) asking uncomfortable, stupid questions. My mum hated it because of all the preparation and cooking (eating leftovers till New Year). After we moved to England we said ENOUGH. We are going to stay at home, eating pizza and watching films in our PJs. Christmas is about happiness, so do whatever makes you happy. You don’t have to live your life like John Lewis’ advert.
So true, lonliness has to be one of the worst feelings. I know quite a few people who spend Christmas day alone, not through choice but family fall outs, no family left living and such like.
Very well said!
particularly “in reality, penguins might look cute but they really, really smell”, they do!!!
thank you for this post!
this is going to be my first Xmas alone, so i guess the whole story is going to happen -the crying, the loneliness, the miserable dinner etc. the worst thing is that the school where i teach has 5, five! days of holidays and i need to figure smth out how to fill those day in…
anyways, you are the first person that actually voiced up the fears of some, so thanks again!
p.s. the malls and supermarkets here in portugal are reeking of Xmas decorations already, since Nov.1 🙂
Maybe, since you know you’ll be on your own, you can make the day about you and not about what’s happening everywhere else. Plan something in for each day even if it’s just a walk or to see a film. I’ll be on-line on and off and so will lots of other people so join us on Twitter! xx
Jane is spot on. You are in control of that time, and time off RULES. If you approach it with a gung ho shrug, and not pre empt with a terrifying fear of feeling awful, I think you’ll find that in fact, you’re just having time to do stuff you want to do. Plan your days as Jane says, fill them with stuff, even if its lovely baths and reading and watching things you love. Have a structure and come back to work refreshed!
Penguins smell!! Haha, brilliant 🙂 BAH HUMBUG TO YOUR TEAR INDUCING STINKY ADVERT CHRISTMAS!
I love christmas, but I was brought up a jehovahs witness, so never had christmas, and then when I was put into care and subsequently came out, there was no family or anyone to spend it with. I tended to have christmas with partners in my own home, but I have done it alone after a horrific break up and it was searingly upsetting, because of the pressure to enjoy it, to receive gifts from others an if you don’t, you just feel hopeless and alone, when in reality, it’s just another day of the year. Loneliness is a huge killer at christmas, and it’s a brutal feeling to leave someone with, I wish it wasn’t such a ritual for that reason, but on the other side, I love the dinner and the gifts and the films etc, I actually get obsessed with it, and i’m 35!
Thanks so much for sharing this – I’m sure it will be helpful. I think if you get your mindset straight well in advance and take all the pressure off yourself it’s a game changer. It’s just another day and if anything this thread is really marking out that so many people find it a hurdle. x
right, i’ll definately see if i can do smth – a walk, a short trip or smth like that..and i´ll see if i manage to keep in touch 🙂
What a wise woman you are.
I loved this – I will never look at penguins in quite the same way again!! On a more serious note – whilst we are all ‘enjoying’ our hectic christmas there is someone living on your street who has done all the christmas thing before us – ran around and organised presents and cards, slaved away in the kitchen and put up with those relatives that we would really rather not but who is now all alone – possibly an older person with not enough money to even heat their house properly. I work for AgeUk and whilst I know it’s a bit doom and gloom – there are literally thousands of elderly people living next door or down the road suffering from isolation and this, I’m afraid, is the other side of Christmas Day. Great post and it really resonated with me, a busy mum of two!
Thats what resonates with me at christmas, the unbearable loneliness of others who have grown old and been forgotten by society. Our culture, although I appreciate that we don’t all have to live under the same roof, it also means that older relatives can just be ignored. They were our age once, and one day we’ll be theirs. Thank god there are people trying to change this though.
Absolutely love this article Jane. Since losing my Dad three years ago, I don’t tend to be as happy around Christmas. I only have a small family on my side so my mum and I go to my in laws for Christmas dinner. Of course there are family feuds too so that makes it even worse. Then of course there is the finance part where you have to save up for the year after to pay those presents off you bought! I think once I have children I’ll start enjoying Christmas a whole lot more as we’ll have our own little family then. I can’t wait 🙂
From someone who finds christmas a very depressing time and a total ordeal thank you for this, you ‘totally get it’ x
I think it’s really hard to be happy when you’re *supposed to be* – happiness comes when it comes.. !
Christmas can be a bit shit and life can’t be a box of roses all year round. However I do love the Sainsbury ad I think it should remind people to reach out to one another and even the simplest gesture of calling into your neighbour on Christmas day who lives alone could make all the difference. I also like the John Lewis ad simply because it serves up a reminder that children’s imaginations are a beautiful world and they don’t need a real penguin for them to be real to kids. Between illnesses and depression and tears looking back at Christmases gone by it was the simplest of gestures that helped me the most x
You can make your own Christmas traditions that have nothing to do with commercialism and unrealistic expectations. Putting aside modern day materialism Christmas is a sacred day for those who remember and celebrate what it really is about…the birth of Jesus. In the U.S. there seems like there is nothing sacred anymore. Thanksgiving has become the start of Black Friday shopping sales instead of having a celebratory dinner to be with friends and family and remembering what you are grateful for. I don’t let that get me down and I do my own thing. I have lost many friends and family I used to spend Christmas with. But, I remember the loved ones that have passed and focus on memories of the good times. I don’t go crazy shopping, I don’t compare my life to fictional characters, I don’t expect material gifts and am grateful for what I get rather than focusing on being disappointed, I do remember what Christmas is really about, and I do find and try to extend to others peace, joy, and love rather than focusing on the negative.
I think that’s very sound advice – I grew up in Scotland where going to church on Christmas Eve was such an important part of what we did. Even if you only go once a year, it’s a very special thing to do. But, I think it can strike a nerve for the same reasons that ‘fantasy Christmas’ ads do and people are very fearful of triggering emotions around that time. But I love your idea of making your own traditions that bring comfort or happiness.
Brilliant post. You’ve summed up in all entirety what I would imagine most people think and feel about Christmas. The commercialism and falsity of it all and the need to feel you have to be happy and for what. Love what you have said, probably because it is so true and for that I say thank you. I feel relieved as though a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Good to know I am not the only one who connects with what you have written 🙂
Well said. Being Jewish, I don’t actually celebrate Xmas, but I’ve never liked having all the over-comercialised crap thrown in my face come the beginning of November. I actually heard an Xmas song the other day at the supermarket and I shook my head in dismay in the middle of the aisle.
So to counter it, I’ve started embracing a modern Jewish tradition: eat Chinese food and watch a film.